I just made out with a guy for $7.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
