Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
