Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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