Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
