Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
