I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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