8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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