Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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