Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
