lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
