Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
