I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
