I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
