tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
