she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize