Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize