4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
