State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize