Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
