I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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