Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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