omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
