three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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