Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
