We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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