12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
