Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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