i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
