New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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