Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
