Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
