to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
