What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
