how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
