you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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