My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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