fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize