Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's the barista slut.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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