Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
