He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
