Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
