like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
