sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
