Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I touched a dick in church today
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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