Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize