Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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