i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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