No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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