Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
