She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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