I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize