I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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