im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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