Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
