The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
