I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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