The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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