Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
