I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Your cock deserves a montage
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
