please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize