i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
