You don't have asthma, your pregnant
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
