i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
