you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize