Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
